Rules of the Enterprise
by Ender's Fangirl
Summary: "As composed by Captain James Tiberius Kirk and the Admirality, and as commented on by Uhura, Bones, Sulu, Chekov, Scotty, and Spock." implied drinking, Spirk, Chulu, and general mischief.


Warnings: Implied Spirk, Chulu, implied drinking, Bones-y's potty mouth, and general mischief. **  
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I needed to bust my writer's block, so here it is.

Suggestions of rules would be awesome.

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><p><strong>Rules of the Enterprise<strong>

**As composed by Captain James Tiberius Kirk, with revisions by the Admirality **

_And as commentated on by Mr. Sulu, Mr. Chekov, Bones, Spock, Scotty, and Uhura_

**1. The Captain is not to be argued with.**

_Bones: Ahahaha, that's a stupid rule. If we're not allowed to argue with him, how the hell are we gonna keep ourselves alive?_

_Spock: I believe it is a crude attempt at control.**  
><strong>_  
><em>Uhura: I think he's just saying that to put Spock out of his job.<em>

**2. Signed consent of both fencers are required during off time at fencing events.**

_Sulu: What? BS._

_Spock: On the contrary, Mr. Sulu, it is a valid safety measure._

_Bones: My God in heaven, did Mr. Spock just agree with the Captain?_

_Uhura: Helps when you're sleeping with him._

**3. The punch at all holiday parties is NOT to be spiked.**

_Scotty: What? Ah have dun nuthin' of the sort._

__Chekov: Um. Me neizher. No, I have not done anyzhing eizher.__

_Bones: I don't believe it mentioned any names..._

_Uhura: Figures, it's the Russian and the Scotsman that did it._

**4. Unneccessary hypo shots are from now on banned.**

_Bones: What? That's ridiculous!_

_Spock: I don't understand, Doctor, it only seems logical.._

_Bones: Oh, what would a damn hobgoblin know about torturing someone?_

_Uhura: Well, after hearing some of the claims made by the Captain, a lot, apparently..._

**5. Officers are not to leave until they have finished ALL of their asigned shift.**

_Uhura: WHAT? THat's down right hypocritical!_

_Sulu: Dammit, Pav, we've been caught._

_Spock: Ahem. I believe... that comment is more directed at the Captain and I._

_Bones: Yup! Courtesy of the Admirality. _

_Uhura: Hey, wait, what do you mean, Hikaru?_

_Chekov: I'd prefer if ve did not bring zat up._

**6. Singing obscene, racist songs and handing out finely aged vodka and scotch are NOT acceptable celebrations of heritage.**

___Bones: Hey, how did he know they were racist? No one on this damn ship can decipher those songs unless they're also from the South!___

_Uhura: Racist, Leonard? _RACIST?__

__Bones: Hey, it isn't my fault! It's Georgia, we practically invented racist.__

__Sulu: You're in for it now, Doc.__

__Bones: Shit, that came out wrong..__

__Chekov: It most definitely vas not me.__

_Scotty: Uh... WE HAVE SCOTCH ON THE SHIP?_

_Spock: I fail to see the point of asking the question, Mr. Scott, see as you in fact, are cause for the answer._

**7. The Captain and the First Officer are the hottest couple. No arguments.**

_Uhura: Haha, and what do you have to say about this, Spock?_

_Spock: ...I have no comment on the matter._

_Bones: No comment, my ass. I can guarantee to whoever's reading that Spock is blushing from his toes to the tip of his god damn pointy ears._

_Sulu: What? What about me and Pavel?_

**8. Dancing on the bridge is not permitted. Especially to the 21st century song, "Blow".**

_Uhura: In my defense I was really drunk on whatever Scotty managed to make._

_Scotty: Ah, yes, that particular brew got away from me._

_Spock: That still does not explain the Doctor's initiative to join in._

_Bones: Oh, you know me, Spock. I'm drunk off my ass 24/7._

**9. 'Up your butt' is not the proper translation of the Klingon term 'Kapla'. **

_Bones: As I recall, that mistake was made by one Ms. Nyota Uhura._

_Uhura: Hey, they would've been fine if you hadn't accidentally fallen into the diplomat in sick bay._

_Bones: But he WAS fine! _

_Spock: I believe you tripped and fell right into said diplomat, injecting the hypo in your possesion into his chest._

_Sulu: Oh yeah! Yeah, and it was a shot of estrogen! That dude started crying when the replicators made the wrong meal._

_Bones: ...quiet time._

**10. Lieutenant Gaila Vro is NOT The Grinch's girlfriend.**

_Bones: Oh come on, that was funny. She even agreed to be Mrs. Grinch at the Christmas party!_

_Scotty: Wait.. Laddie, are you telling me we had a Christmas party?_

_Sulu: Oh yeah, about that... I might have mistaken your cup for Spock's and spiked it with some rather... potent sedatives._

_Scotty: ...What happened to meh?_

_Chekov: You ver in ze corner crying as you recited ze Grinch story._

_Uhura: It was quite a success._


End file.
